"Today is going to be my day"

i really dislike the nights i just lay in bed unable to fall asleep.  ive been just laying in bed for almost 3 hours now.  I'm unsure what all the reasons are; however. i know that a major issue is school next fall. Needless to say, i /need/ to do well this coming semester.  It is, without a doubt, the climactic final fight, make it or break it, last and final chance to get back on track.

That's a lot of pressure!

And the bad thing is that 99 percent of that pressure is self inflicted.  Its me internalizing what i feel is expected from me from everyone /and/ myself and my desire to not let anyone down.

Im trying to look at things from a different perspective and use that preesure as a positive and motivating force to help push me to do well, and not as a force doing its damned-est to push against me and trying to break me.

After 19 years of carrying the burden of the world, last semester i finally broke.  i hurt from the moment i woke up to the time at night when, after tossing and turning and mentally beating myself up for every little mistake that i would finally fall asleep.. where i would dream of losing friends and being chased and just bad dreams in genereal.  the once firey soul was but a candle in a hurricane.

im slowly getting back on track.  its a slow process, but im taking it in steps.

I'm still new to thos whole making new friends and trusting them thing, but im trying my best.

we'll see how this turns out, but ive always been a persistant one :p

i think i can get to bed now..