Making Conversations Easier!

Yesterday I brought up a topic for discussion that I, at least hope (lol), you found interesting. Today I will expand on that and outline some things that you can do to make conversations with someone you like easier.

(I can see the look of "finally he gets around to giving advice instead of asking questions all the time!" :P.)

To review, I stated that calling someone you like can be a difficult thing to do. I stated that being nervous about calling was only a symptom and not the reason why the task is so daunting. Social expectancies, all the little things that are expected of us in these conversations make it so nerve-wracking. There are some things that you can do to alleviate the nervousness while still being able to call that ever-like-able person of yours (and no, you can not simply not call them :P haha).

1.) Throw out the social expectations and precedents!
The two day rule, gone! The need to have a lengthy conversations, the need for you to be the one that keeps the conversation flowing, gone! The need for you to ask questions but be sure not to talk too much, gone! All these little things that are ingrained into us that we are expected to do simply to have a conversation with a cute girl (or boy depending on who's reading this) is simply ridiculous! As if we needed more pressure! :P lol. Therefore, the first thing to do is simply ignore them. If you like the person, then like them, don't fall into the seeming social bureaucracy where everything needs to be done precisely and in triplicate just to have a simple conversation! So throw out the traditional social rules and just be you (or if it's around the first date, the person you're pretending to be (/sarcasm), but that's a whole other issue and blog!)!

Now that we've eliminated some of the pressure, the thought of calling her/him doesn't seem as daunting does it? You're still nervous thou? In that case:

2.) Be honest about being nervous:
If you are nervous about talking to them, just tell them instead of trying to hide it which just adds to the nervousness and makes the conversation needlessly more difficult. Chances are, they are a little nervous as well, and knowing that you are both a little nervous, you can then just relax knowing that you are not alone. And if the other person isn't nervous, well at least there's still a good chance they'll find it cute haha. My point thou is that once you get past that initial conversation, you'll be much less nervous from then on out and if you are straightforward about it from the start you may just get through calling them for the first time w/out feeling nervous at all :D.

Okay so you got through that conversation, but they have not returned your call and you don't want to call them b/c you are a)nervous or (more likely) b) don't want to seem "desperate," which is just ridiculous.

3.) Call them!
If you felt that the first conversation went well, or even if it did not, and you feel like you want to call them, just do it! See tip # 1 for why. If you want to talk to them, then do just that and don't let social weirdness (I mean "norms" and precedents :P) get in the way. You should not sit around and wait for them to call you, be proactive! Whether you are a guy or a girl, if you can't call them when you feel like it, are they really someone you should like anyways? lol. Everyone is busy, and they may want to call you but simply have a lot on their minds, and that's just life. You have to understand that, and forgive them for being too busy sometimes. Chances are good thou that they may simply be doing the same thing you are, waiting for you to call them! :D.

I hope that I've made my point, and that I've helped someone with these tips. I think that if you at least made it as far as reading tip #1 you are aware of my feelings on these little social rules in the "game" that is our lives :P. Basically I see no point in these little rules as they only make conversations harder. By not following them and just being myself, things are so much easier! :D I've broken so many of these social rules that we are all expected to follow when first meeting someone you like and getting to know them, and I do not regret not following the precedents and playing the "game." And besides, I'm seen as more "spontaneous," ;).

So what's your take on this? Obviously if you're a "player" (lol) you may not like that I'm throwing out your rulebook.. haha. Do you think these social rules are a good thing?

Why is it so difficult to call someone you like?

Today I want to talk about a social dynamic that is ingrained into our society. Calling people that you like (as more than a friend) is more difficult than calling people that you are simply friends with.

The question that comes to my mind is: why? By my logic, it should be easier to call someone precisely because we like them; however, this isn't the case in our society.

Being nervous and wanting to make a good impression (which is behavior that may be discussed in a later entry) plays a part but after the initial conversation, this should no longer be an issue.

This phenomenon, for it is an oddity even if it is a social "norm", is most prevalent with younger generations; however, it is behavior exhibited by older generations as well.

While it is easy to call your friends and start a conversation, when it comes to calling someone you like it becomes a different story all together. In order to attempt to answer my intial question, I will present some personal experience.

It could be said that I am a very random person. I may be working on writing, or watching TV, basically something unrelated to my friends, and I'll have this thought of "I should call them." Then, I'll do just that, completely random huh? :P. But my random-ness is a different topic, and I'll try to stay on topic from here on out :P. I brought this up to illustrate that to me it's not a difficult task to pick up the phone and call my friends. I think that is the "norm", that calling friends is an easy task. However, when a girl that I like comes into the equation, it changes everything. I will still have that random thought of "I should call her" (lol), but most of the time I don't. The reasoning behind that odd social behavior is the purpose of this blog entry.

Now it should be said that there are times that I will call her randomly; however, I think I would be in the minority.

So why is it more difficult to call someone we like than it is to call other people?

Those few people that I consider my close friends I have known for quite some time, many years in some cases. Therefore, it should be implied that I am comfortable around them. In fact it's gotten to a point where most of the time we can finish each others sentences. To call them is easy because I am comfortable being around and talking to them. This girl I like I am also comfortable around, as we have certainly had our share of awkward and embarrassing conversations that have brought us closer. I feel comfortable talking to her, even about "feelings and such" as Mitch would refer to them. Therefore it should be easy to call her, yet it is not.

It may be simply a matter of her being a girl, after all we all know they have cooties :p lmao. And I believe I just refuted that argument simply by stating it, I'm that good :P lol. I have friends who are girls (or friendgirls haha. Sorry for the inside jokes :P) and they are easy to talk to; therefore that argument is moot.

I could go on; however, I'll get to my point :P hehe

Many times in similar situations I've been told "I'm just nervous about calling him/her." And I could have just used that to answer my initial question; however, the nervousness is an effect, not the cause, of this social behavior.

After much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that the very root cause for it being difficult to call someone we like is: social expectations. The expectations imposed on us from society are the reasons for nervousness, and the reasons for it being somewhat daunting to call someone we like, especially the first few conversations. All the little things and precedents that we are supposed to fulfill that are expected of us in these conversations make a simple phone call seem very daunting and nerve-wracking :P.

Now, the even stranger aspect of this whole thing is that it is only the initiation of the conversation that I am nervous about :P. Once I've called and we start talking, I'm no longer nervous and I wonder "what in the world was I so nervous about?" I know some friends who are nervous about the whole conversation itself with someone they like. I'm not sure which is the majority; however, simply guessing I would say the later rather than the former is the majority of people's cases. Also we have to consider the amount of time and/or any previous conversations because the first few conversations we are likely to feel more nervous than after we have established a routine and feel comfortable calling them, (thou we will still feel slightly nervous).

What these expectations are and we can do to alleviate and get around them and thus make it easier to call someone we like will be addressed in a future entry. I simply wanted to introduce the topic today :). I have my advice that I'll be presenting; however, I'd be interested to hear your take on the issue and what your advice would be to your fellow blog readers! Leave a comment below.

What is your take on this? Do you feel this way; do you feel nervous calling someone you like? Did it change after the first few times you called them?

Do you ask casual questions?

The title of this blog post fit's right into the topic I want to briefly discuss today. Today I received an email from a friend asking a question that could potentially have an extremely long and drawn out answer :P. And a thought occurred to me that she may just have been asking a "casual question," or a question that doesn't really warrant a lengthy response. The most prevalent example would be the "what's up?" "not much" question and response, where the question asker is not really wanting to know all that is going on in the other persons life, but instead is simply asking a "casual question." Therefore, I made it a point to ask this friend of mine is she was one to ask such casual questions :P. True to my style, I was subtle about it, but subtlety is a topic for another blog post :).

It was simply interesting to me that we had carried on an extremely lengthy conversation without me ever realizing that she may have simply been asking casual questions. If they were in fact casual questions, then appropriate answers to those particular suspect questions could have saved both of us a great deal of typing and reading time! :D hehe

It's difficult to know from text whether something is a casual question whereas in person casual questions are easily identified by the inflection and tone of question. Or at least that's my excuse hehe.

Has anyone else ever experienced that moment of realization after answering a question in-depth where you think "wait.. did they actually want to know all the details?" lol.

Hit the comment button and let us know :)

*You'll notice that I mentioned the title of this post fits in nicely with the topic discussed. You now have to ask yourself if the call to action was simply a casual question itself or if I really wanted to know if you ask casual questions. hehe, this is almost as fun as discussing time paradoxes! :D