Why is it so difficult to call someone you like?

Today I want to talk about a social dynamic that is ingrained into our society. Calling people that you like (as more than a friend) is more difficult than calling people that you are simply friends with.

The question that comes to my mind is: why? By my logic, it should be easier to call someone precisely because we like them; however, this isn't the case in our society.

Being nervous and wanting to make a good impression (which is behavior that may be discussed in a later entry) plays a part but after the initial conversation, this should no longer be an issue.

This phenomenon, for it is an oddity even if it is a social "norm", is most prevalent with younger generations; however, it is behavior exhibited by older generations as well.

While it is easy to call your friends and start a conversation, when it comes to calling someone you like it becomes a different story all together. In order to attempt to answer my intial question, I will present some personal experience.

It could be said that I am a very random person. I may be working on writing, or watching TV, basically something unrelated to my friends, and I'll have this thought of "I should call them." Then, I'll do just that, completely random huh? :P. But my random-ness is a different topic, and I'll try to stay on topic from here on out :P. I brought this up to illustrate that to me it's not a difficult task to pick up the phone and call my friends. I think that is the "norm", that calling friends is an easy task. However, when a girl that I like comes into the equation, it changes everything. I will still have that random thought of "I should call her" (lol), but most of the time I don't. The reasoning behind that odd social behavior is the purpose of this blog entry.

Now it should be said that there are times that I will call her randomly; however, I think I would be in the minority.

So why is it more difficult to call someone we like than it is to call other people?

Those few people that I consider my close friends I have known for quite some time, many years in some cases. Therefore, it should be implied that I am comfortable around them. In fact it's gotten to a point where most of the time we can finish each others sentences. To call them is easy because I am comfortable being around and talking to them. This girl I like I am also comfortable around, as we have certainly had our share of awkward and embarrassing conversations that have brought us closer. I feel comfortable talking to her, even about "feelings and such" as Mitch would refer to them. Therefore it should be easy to call her, yet it is not.

It may be simply a matter of her being a girl, after all we all know they have cooties :p lmao. And I believe I just refuted that argument simply by stating it, I'm that good :P lol. I have friends who are girls (or friendgirls haha. Sorry for the inside jokes :P) and they are easy to talk to; therefore that argument is moot.

I could go on; however, I'll get to my point :P hehe

Many times in similar situations I've been told "I'm just nervous about calling him/her." And I could have just used that to answer my initial question; however, the nervousness is an effect, not the cause, of this social behavior.

After much deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that the very root cause for it being difficult to call someone we like is: social expectations. The expectations imposed on us from society are the reasons for nervousness, and the reasons for it being somewhat daunting to call someone we like, especially the first few conversations. All the little things and precedents that we are supposed to fulfill that are expected of us in these conversations make a simple phone call seem very daunting and nerve-wracking :P.

Now, the even stranger aspect of this whole thing is that it is only the initiation of the conversation that I am nervous about :P. Once I've called and we start talking, I'm no longer nervous and I wonder "what in the world was I so nervous about?" I know some friends who are nervous about the whole conversation itself with someone they like. I'm not sure which is the majority; however, simply guessing I would say the later rather than the former is the majority of people's cases. Also we have to consider the amount of time and/or any previous conversations because the first few conversations we are likely to feel more nervous than after we have established a routine and feel comfortable calling them, (thou we will still feel slightly nervous).

What these expectations are and we can do to alleviate and get around them and thus make it easier to call someone we like will be addressed in a future entry. I simply wanted to introduce the topic today :). I have my advice that I'll be presenting; however, I'd be interested to hear your take on the issue and what your advice would be to your fellow blog readers! Leave a comment below.

What is your take on this? Do you feel this way; do you feel nervous calling someone you like? Did it change after the first few times you called them?